How not to Recessionise your job - Catch 22 pointers

Its Q4, and its that time of the year when yankee FPA's are sitting alongside with all business heads to shore up 2009 numbers albeit on excel sheets. Without guessing, a lot of the work next year will center on pruning costs given the dire economic outlook. A lot of companies have built up large capacities (plants, service centres) in the last fiscal with the growth mantra might just find the reverse happening next year. So can companies cut their fixed costs, maybe not but variable costs like payroll is very much on the cards.

Cutting jobs is perhaps the toughest choice a company makes especially when the mantra in the near past was "employees are our most valuable assets"- ask Naresh Goyal

With over 150,000 jobs lost in the month of October alone in the US (source ADP survey), the HR's axe has fallen rather quickly. Well these are a SUBSTANCE OVER FORM pointers towards ensuring the axe does not fall on you.

• If your boss was one of those "i saw Karzzz this friday" when you were working your donkey ass off reporting ...grrrnt.. and you just cant stand him..ugggh. get into discussing tandoori nights and urmila and Himesh's next movie for the short term... the better your relationship with him, the less likely you are to be cut.
• Do not post your resumes on job portals, your HR might just have access to these portals and will just about know who to cut basis the resumes on these portals. HR's like to keep the loyal kin intact. Its a catch 22 aint it, while you want to keep an eye on the job market. Well this is what you can do, look for portals which respect your privacy,displays your profile without your name or your present employment status to recruiters.... try http://www.shine.com/ for instance .. even monster is decent provided you have switched off the visibilty tag.
• Boss, cant you grant me some ESOPS?? will pay right down in cash at 20% premium on future cash flow valuations........gulp...... i beleive in this company's future (your boss might think you are big time crazy, but a lil loss on stocks (as though Dalal street hasnt made you a lot poorer) might just be the best ROI you have ever made in your life.
• Be the light box, don't be in a constant state of bad mood highlighting how vulnerable everyones' position in the Company is, try and be like Kareena's first half role from Jab We Met; bubbly
• Be visible on the floor, talk to everyone, a sweet hellozz to other functions, but most importanty, socialise with your HR breed....ahem... when was the last time you met this breed....increment letter....hmmm or when ,arre yar HR mein ek good looking ladki aayi hai
• Learn to use your calendar better, go for all those voluntary and involuntary meetings and be punctual on time... dont sit right in the front or the back .. stay in the middle. 
• Prove your value to the firm, Companies will not like to eliminate people if their customers find out that your contribution is indispensable; CUSTOMER IS KING.
• Give realistic insights & solutions- when your boss is drawing up a restructuring plan;
• Be open to change, even if it means you have to hotelise your cubicle with others - a little less trading on the stock portals - worth the effort;
• Start using NRI words to your colleagues like HEY CHIEF, HEY BIG MAN, WHATS UP DUDE -will make you sound BIG.... and VISIBLE.... and ......recessioned proof;
• Summary , just become the CORPORATE VISIBLE CITIZEN.
• Better read all blogs you can find on this subject... will keep you morally fighting for an another day

Its time to suck up now before you become the FP&A's number on that excel sheet....